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 You've Never Had It So Bad.

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Temperance
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PostSubject: You've Never Had It So Bad.   Tue Aug 27, 2013 10:07 pm

The following article appeared in the Daily Mail this week. It was not a joke:


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2401042/First-world-problems-Brie-hard-Pimms-warm-Cleaner-got-day-off.html

The following are the Top 25 problems with which we in the Western world have to cope every day. I do actually sympathise greatly with No. 25 - the Weetabix (or Oatibix) conundrum - but am rather surprised that one of my personal stressors - having to wash the filter on the Dyson every three months - did not make it to the list.


TOP 25 WORST FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS


1. It's boiling hot outside, but freezing in the air conditioned office.


2. My personal trainer took the week off so I have to work out alone.


3. My wallet won't close because there's too much money in it..


4. I bought a dishwasher and now spend longer packing and unpacking it than I did washing up


5. My Brie is too hard.


6. No semi-skimmed milk in the supermarket, just full fat.


7. Earphones getting tangled up in your bag.


8. Chipped nail varnish.


9. Warm Pimms.


10. The cleaner taking a day off..


11. Trying to keep electricals out of the sun whilst sunbathing e.g. phone, camera etc.


12. Watch / jewellery causing unsightly tan lines.


13. Spotting someone wearing the same outfit as you.


14. Squeaky new shoes which hurt whilst breaking them in.


15. Snagging designer clothing.


16. Over / under brewed tea.


17. Remote control batteries have run out.


18. A disappointing air freshener.


19. The wind blowing your summer dress or skirt up.


20. Stepping on something wet while wearing socks.


21. Hair sticking to lipstick or lip balm in the slightest breeze.


22. You update your mobile phone and lose all your contacts.


23. Sitting on your designer sunglasses.


24. Getting a fishbone stuck in your throat.


25. Two Weetabix not fitting in a round bowl properly, resulting in half of them becoming soggy and the other dry.



I wonder how the stressors affecting our ancestors/forebears would compare? Could we compile a list of top 50 - 100 stressors for people living from, say, 3AD - ish to 1945? For example:


1. Black Death reported in neighbouring village.


2. Vikings have burnt down village, raped all the women and stolen all the livestock - again.


3. Rye bread has gone mouldy and entire village has consequently gone bonkers - again.


4. Being burnt at the stake for something you didn't do (or, indeed, for something you did do).


5. Dog poo and/or vomit stuck in the floor rushes.
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Caro
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PostSubject: Re: You've Never Had It So Bad.   Wed Aug 28, 2013 1:15 pm

6. Having to avoid the contents of whatever is thrown out the top windows.
7. Clothes splashed by passing horse and gig.
8. Eyesight failing and glasses not yet invented. (The latter part of that probably isn't a stress - are we stressing about the non-invention yet of immediately mending skin after a cut?)
9. Liege lord upping your contributions again.
10. Call to arms.

I have much sympathy with No 4.  I never had a dishwasher till about 5 years ago and I still wish I didn't have one.  Should just not use it, I suppose.

And there is no such thing as 16a, over-brewed tea.  My teabags (or real tea) sit in the teapot all day and get heated as required.  At the motel breakfast recently my husband smiled at my cup-of- tea making: I put the teabag in, then a little water, took it back to the table, then a few moments later went back to fill the rest of it up.  (Otherwise the tea gets too strong before it gets brewed and I can't have that!)
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nordmann
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PostSubject: Re: You've Never Had It So Bad.   Wed Aug 28, 2013 1:51 pm

People just had to take things in their stride - as this diary extract from the 17th century indicated:

Saturday August 25th: Ordered a new bible from Caxton printers in London. It will make a nice prezzie for the missus on her birthday on Saturday week.
Sunday August 26th: Missus got the plague at breakfast. Brown bread by lunchtime. Will not cancel bible order - the kids can use it for their science homework.
Monday August 27th: Kids dead of plague. Oh well, maybe the local vicar will want it.
Tuesday August 28th: Vicar dead of plague. In fact entire village snuffed it by teatime. I'll make use of one of the seventeen carriages I've just inherited and go up to London to collect bible.
Wednesday August 29th: Caxton dead, though luckily not from the plague. He was bombarded by the Dutch fleet that sailed up the Thames this afternoon.
Thursday August 30th: Good news. My bible is ready for collection anyway. Caxton's brother has taken over the business.
Friday August 31st: Caxton's brother dead of plague.
Saturday September 1st: Yippee! Found out that just before he shuffled off his coil he'd put the finishing touches to my bible. It's ready and waiting in the printworks.
Sunday September 2nd: Slight complication. London burned down today.
Monday September 3rd: Maybe a pair of socks would be a better choice ...
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PostSubject: Re: You've Never Had It So Bad.   Wed Aug 28, 2013 4:51 pm

11. The Bring Out Your Dead chap has hurt his back and gone off sick.

12. Everyone in the pub laughing at your new codpiece.

13. Being referred to as a toothless old hag when you're only 27.
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PostSubject: Re: You've Never Had It So Bad.   Fri Sep 06, 2013 2:35 pm

14. Trying - usually unsuccessfully - to get your husband to swallow his worm tablet ( a rather expensive pastille made from wormwood oil mixed with black walnut oil, ginger and sugar).
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PostSubject: Re: You've Never Had It So Bad.   Fri Sep 06, 2013 3:02 pm

15. Trying - usually with success it must be said - to get your wife to swallow her daily dose of silphium so as not to become pregnant after intercourse. The irritation bit comes into it around the time of the fall of Roman Republic and the advent of empire. Nero is reportedly the last man alive to have seen the plant having received it as a gift due to its by then absolute rarity and it is now deemed extinct. Three hundred years before it had been a weed growing all over modern day Libya.
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PostSubject: Re: You've Never Had It So Bad.   Fri Sep 13, 2013 2:36 pm

16. Being in the top one percent but still finding fruit and vegetables in one's meal.

17. Wife picking the lock on her scold's bridle when you're home.

18. Wife picking the lock on her chastity belt when you're away from home.

19. Noticing the lad standing beside you at the tournee has longer poulaines.
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PostSubject: Re: You've Never Had It So Bad.   Sat Sep 14, 2013 3:34 pm

20. Realising you're the only straight guy in the monastery.

21. Being told you should have read the small print on your Indulgence certificates and that the government has no plans for compensation payments for victims of the scam: "The Romish doctrine concerning Purgatory...is a fond thing vainly invented, and grounded upon no warranty of Scripture." In other words: "Tough, you shouldn't have been so stupid."
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PostSubject: Re: You've Never Had It So Bad.   Sat Sep 14, 2013 3:54 pm

22. Finding that the Pullman Seat price you paid also puts you within splashing distance at the beheading.

23. Thunder and lightning while you are out on the very day you decided to use your best steeple hennin

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